grace.

Hi. 

I've missed you. 

And then I tried to forget about you.

And then I missed you again. 

Real talk? I've had a love hate relationship with the blogging world lately. 

I've ignored it, fearing that if I spent too much time on it I would always want something that I couldn't have. I would get lost in the Pinterest and Blogger envy. I would fix my eyes on what's pleasing to the world instead of what's pleasing to God. 

That might get an eye-roll out of some of you, but I'm sure at one point you've felt a sense of dissatisfaction after browsing the beautiful highlight reel of someone else's life, suddenly wanting a new wardrobe, a more glamorous home, or a toned body. But that's all that it is: a highlight reel. We're comparing our full story to their highlight reel, and they will never match up. It's exhausting to compare, to always want, and to never be satisfied. 

To stay away from such exhaustion and to keep my mind in the right place (looking up!), I've needed to take a break from the blog every now and then. Clearly I haven't quite found my balance. 

I've had the urge to post my blog everywhere, eager to share with family and friends, while also wanting to delete it and start over so that no one is aware of it. I can sometimes feel myself trying to entertain others instead of simply giving myself an outlet. 

That's what this blog is, or at least, what it's supposed to be. My outlet. "My bucket to overflow." For me, and no one else. But every time I've visited my blog over the past few months I've felt pangs of guilt to instead use my time to catch up for work, continue my bible study, study for the GRE exam, work out, or (insert the never-ending pile of overdue projects here). To do something "productive" so that I feel better about myself, and so God feels better about me. #dumb.

We all face it. We glorify the word "busy" and overload our schedules. 

Our obligatory to-do list is so long that we're overwhelmed with discomfort when straying, to...I don't know...blog? Blogging didn't make the cut. 

I love lists. and I love prioritizing tasks. But I'm starting to learn that these strategies belong mainly in the workplace. (Can't believe I'm rejecting lists right now)

As for the rest of life? We need a little more grace. Don't get me wrong, we need to stay motivated and keep up with our responsibilities, but we need to stop striving for Busy. We can't forget to simply Be, and allow ourselves to do what we Feel, not just what we Should. 

Luckily my boyfriend is learning how to read my mind. When listening to my plans for the night he suddenly said, "You know, it's OKAY to have a hobby, and you don't always need to worry about what you should be doing when you're actually doing something you enjoy."

...the wisdom! 

Apparently I needed some affirmation to ditch the to-do list and simply enjoy every now and then...via blogging...hah. It sounds really dorky, but it felt like a breath of fresh air. 

So I'm back. and I'm ready to make some visual changes. and I'm aiming to hold a loyal presence.

and I'm going to be my typically quirky self. and my hope is to glorify God, so I'm going to honor the life and gifts He's given me, but I'm also going to appreciate the blessings He's poured on others...mostly in the form of fashion, decor, and other beauties ;) 

...and I'm not going to feel guilty about it. 

Amazing grace! He loves me the same immeasurable amount, today and tomorrow and the next, no matter what I do. 

Blog on, homies.

images via 

xoxo,